Time, Love and Tenderness

A hit song by Michael Bolton brings home some truths at a time of hurt and disappointment.

Something happened to me yesterday that caused me to feel hurt. And I feel disappointment, more at myself for allowing myself to feel hurt, than at the person for hurting me.

I know for sure that the hurt was not done intentionally, so I can not fault the person. But I have the choice of how to react. And it hurts that I feel hurt. I would love to just be able to say “Hey, all is as it should be and it is well”

I do say that, and deep inside my spirit self I feel and believe that, but my ego self, and my physical self finds it hard not the feel the hurt.

So here’s what I am learning:

First of all, do NOT try to resist the feeling. Don’t try to talk yourself out of feeling hurt. And don’t try to mask it. For one thing, it doesn't work! For another, the more you resist it, the more you will feel it and the worse it gets. Deeper and more painful each time you try to resist it.

So don’t resist. Feel it! Welcome the feeling. Embrace it with LOVE.

Yes, I see that hurt. I feel that hurt. I am willing to feel that hurt, I understand why I feel that hurt. I embrace that understanding and that hurt with love. And I embrace myself with love. Hug myself as I would hug a hurting child, and comfort myself.

Secondly, repeat! Again and again, as long as it takes, every time the hurt arises again…and it will! It takes TIME to “get over it”, whatever ‘it’ is.

Thirdly, be gentle with yourself. Don’t be hard on yourself for finding yourself in this situation. You did not choose it even if on some unconscious level you may have attracted the situation to yourself. But still…don’t be hard on yourself, be gentle, be kind, be TENDER.

So Michael Bolton is not wrong. 

But the better news is that you needn't look for these things in someone else. Find them in yourself. That is where the true healing will take place. Give yourself the Time, Love and Tenderness you need.

If you seek it from someone else…sooner or later, you will be back at square one…hurt, disappointed, and alone.

But if you find love in yourself…it will NEVER happen again, because even if you do get let down again…and you will….you will be left with the one person who will never leave you nor forsake you…YOU! So love YOU!

There is no loss in Divine Mind

“There is no loss in Divine Mind” – Florence Scovel Shinn, The Game of Life

It is always extremely exciting when you can put the words you study to the test.  I was able to experience Ms. Shinn’s quote recently.

I had arrived home from picking up the children in the car. We parked the car on the street because there was too much snow and ice in our driveway. I let the children out and then attended to my own things, bag lady that I am. Grabbed everything and headed into the house.

A few hours later, I remembered that I needed to respond to someone’s text from earlier and I reached for my bag to get out my phone. The phone was not in the bag. I was confused. Surely, I had put the phone in there. Or had I taken it out at some point? I looked again. Turned my bag upside down and poured out everything. No phone!

Ran downstairs and looked through coats and coat pockets, everyone’s backpacks etc etc. No phone!

Ran out to the car and did a thorough search. Also searched all the area around the car and the driveway. No luck!

Called the phone company up, ready to cancel the phone and get a new one. I repeatedly called my phone from the land line just in case someone would pick it up, to no avail.

I felt so upset I began taking it out on the poor kids. Yelling that I was mad that I had lost my phone and that they had better stay out of my way because I would take out my anger on them.

In the midst of my anger, I began to tell myself to remain calm. Remember Florence Scovel Shinn said “There is no loss in Divine Mind. Either this phone will be returned to me or I will get its equivalent, or better”

Just then, my land line rang, and it showed my cell phone number on the caller ID.

“You found my phone!!” I screamed excitedly into phone

The poor guy on the other end didn’t know what to say.

As it turned out, an elderly gentleman had picked up the found where he found it in the snow on my street where it must have dropped from my hands, and had taken it to a nearby Radio Shack. And they called me from there.

I was so excited and thankful, I ran to the Radio Shack and gave the gentleman a reward.

I will never again doubt God or my words of affirmation.

I was certain this phone was gone. I have experienced losing my phone this way before, so I was ready to accept my fate, but lo and behold…here it was…my phone returned to me by a very rare incidence of honesty. I would call this a miracle!

Amazing!

Discovering Self-Love in a Marathon

As you all know, I am training for the NYC Half Marathon in March 2014.

When I became pregnant with my first son 8 years ago, I was in the middle of training to run a full marathon. With mom-life kicking in and then the arrival of one more baby, I had not run or trained for years. So coming back into the running lifestyle has been an interesting experience for me. Here's one of the most poignant moments.

I started training by running for 30 minutes on the treadmill. Just getting my body back into the habit of running. Naturally, I did not start off running the whole 30 minutes, I would walk some of the time. Within a couple of weeks, I was able to run the whole distance and even increased it to 45 minutes. So, with the snow from the last storm melting away, I figured it was time to try for a run in the park. I went to Prospect Park, and began my run. The Prospect Park loop is 3.35 miles long, which is about the distance I run on the treadmill, so this should be good, I thought.

Within the first 5 minutes, I was looking longingly back at the park exit that led to where my car was parked. I felt the cold air burning my lungs, and the lady in front of me that I thought I could pace myself by, was suddenly far ahead of me.

"This is going to be impossible" I thought.

But then I reminded myself of “the zone" that runners reach after a while and I told myself I just needed to push myself long enough to get to "the zone"; after that, I wouldn't feel a thing. So on I went.

Any runner knows that running outside is a lot more work than running on the treadmill. But it's also so much more fun and more fulfilling. You get to enjoy the scenery, the other runners, the fresh air...it's awesome, I love it!

BUT!!!!....at about half the distance, approaching yet another incline, I did not hit "the zone"...I hit a MELT DOWN!!

Seriously!

I was looking at the upcoming hill (not that steep I might add) and someone much older than me in an old NYC Marathon T-shirt came running by me effortlessly. She ran up the hill and disappeared from sight in minutes, while I was left puffing and panting heavily, forcing my way up the hill, and it hit me...

"What the Hell are you thinking signing up for a Half Marathon???" "Who do you think you are??" "You have not run consistently since you were pregnant with your seven year old son!...and you are a lot heavier than you were back then...You really think you can just come up here and run a half marathon like it's nothing??" "Like you deserve it???" "Like you could succeed at this???" "Or at anything for that matter!” “Look at you, fat and slobby dragging yourself up here...girl, who are you kidding???” “You are a loser!!” “You know you are a loser...look at you, look at your life...what have you done???” “when have you ever succeeded?” “You think now will be any different??” “and of all things to try to succeed at, you pick a half marathon???” “HA! You suck!!!”

I am not lying to you...these were my exact thoughts! And with each thought, my steps grew shorter and heavier, till I was almost at a standstill. I looked around and there was no one is sight. Every runner, even the slow ones, had passed me, and the cyclers were long gone. I was alone. Tears exploded from my eyes. 

I wanted to stop moving, but I couldn't because no matter what, I needed to complete the loop in order to get back to my car. So I just kept walking. My tears freezing on my face as they fell. I didn't even bother wiping them off.

I never felt more like a failure.

I wanted to die. Couldn't I just have a heart attack here and now with no one around to save me? I can't do it!! I can't do anything!!! What is the good of me???

And then out of my deep and desperate breaths came my coach - ME!

And she kicked my butt. "Girl! You better get moving and get to that finish line! What are you here sobbing like a baby for? You are wasting precious time! All this time crying here, you could have gotten three quarters of the way by now! How the hell are you gonna say you HAVE completed something if you are not going to keep going and complete it? Just keep going and do it! See how much of a loser you'll feel like when you have actually stuck with it and done it. 

What'd you wanna die for now? So that everyone will come and look at you and say...oh poor loser, she tried and she died! That’s the story you want your children to hear? Get up and GO!!! Time enough for death. Now is for living. Living is doing! Challenging yourself! Leaving your comfort zone and experiencing ALL that life has to give. And loving it!! and loving you loving it!!

And right there I knew it....It wasn’t just about not 'achieving'...and not ‘believing in myself’....the root of it was not LOVING myself. 

I cried out loud "45 years old and I still haven’t found self love" 

Coach-ME responded "well, don't you think it's about time?" "Finish it, do it, no matter what, no matter how hard..do it! And then let your inner devil try to tell you that you CAN'T!...You will know for a FACT...that the devil is a liar...you will have evidence of it. Go! Finish the race! Nobody cares if they are taking down the finish line by the time you get to it. This is for YOU! And YOU would have completed the race. YOU would have WON!

So you see that next traffic light up there? When you get to it, I want you to pick up the pace again and run to the next one. And then slow down again and walk to the next light IF you feel you need to...otherwise, just keep on running. You CAN do this and you WILL do it!

"Ok!" I nodded in response and I dragged myself up to the light, took a deep breath and started running down hill...it was a very short break before I was faced with the next incline, but I didn't stop, I was slow, but I kept on running. I caught up with some other runners and strollers and the day just seemed to open up. Round the next turn, over a little bridge and Lo and Behold...the end! 

I had made it!!!

I cried and gave thanks as I came to a stop and leaned on a wall for support.

I had met an angel on this run and I knew it!

Just like when Jacob fought with an angel all night long and demanded a blessing. I had fought through and I received my blessing...I found self love! self worth! self belief!

It might just be the beginning of the journey, but at least I am on it.

I AM going to run this race!

It’s only 13.1 miles and it's going to change my life forever!

January 2014 in Review

Life Weights to Lose Weight Program - You are supposed to do this three times a week for 12 weeks. I am in week 4, but I have not been consistent. I have gone every week, but not always 3 times. Somehow scheduling gets in the way. But I realize that this is an excuse. So I'll need to work on that as I go forward.

The good thing is, I have not given up. Which is what I usually do when I find I am slacking. I usually just say "Hey, I've messed up, why bother continuing?" and then I quit with the 'intention' of picking up again at some later date or time. Well, here are two sayings I have for that: 1) Hell is paved with good intentions 2) Tomorrow is not promised. Now is all the time we have.

So I guess I can say that I AM better than I used to be, seems I HAVE grown some after all...because I did not quit. I am just keeping on keeping on. :-) Yay!!!

Marathon Training - Well, I mean HALF marathon LOL! I am loving it and I am learning a great deal about myself in the process. Please read my post "Discovering Self-Love in a Marathon" for the scoop on how my physical training is affecting me.
But also, there is the fundraising aspect of this race that is new to me.
The first time I was signed up for a Marathon, I did not actually sign up. I was riding on the coat tails of my friend who had signed up and was raising funds. I did not want to make the commitment to raise funds.
With my new outlook on prosperity, and understanding that giving is receiving, (not to mention me just stepping out of my comfort zone), I now see how committing to raise funds, not only strengthens my commitment to the race, but also opens the way for money to come through me. Each donation provides the most amazing feeling of abundance which is the perfect vibration to be having when you are working to increase financial prosperity in your life. Remember the Universe matches your vibrations.
So I am feeling really good about it all. I feel fully alive. It's wonderful, and it's wonderful to be able to see how I have missed out all these years when I would not take part in opportunities to give.
I always thought I was a giving person, because I am generous with my time and energy, but Spirit is showing me where I have been falling short as far as giving money is concerned. A great lesson. Thank you!

Business - Again, I must confess my lack of consistency. This is NOT acceptable at all! The deal is that I am to do the work CONSISTENTLY for 90 days and evaluate the results. This means blogging and promoting every day for 90 days...Well, it's February the 2nd and I have 14 posts to my name since January 1st....That does not add up, does it??? Ok, I know I was giving myself props for not quitting when I was talking about the weight lifting program above, but this is different.

You can NOT run a business 'SOME of the time' and hope to reap 'ALL of the time' results...it's not going to happen!

So it's time to buckle up and do this for real.

EVERY day, for 90 days! no excuses!

Check back next month! :-)

NOW is the time!!!

I am in a somber mood today.

Just learned about the loss of a good friend who passed on over the weekend at the tender age of 47, leaving behind a wife with 3 young kids. The consolation is that he always lived as he wanted to. He was a brilliant and dedicated doctor, was devoted to his wife and kids, loved life and was always ready for a good time with laughter and joy.

I heard the news just when I was fussing about something that was troubling me. But news like this puts everything in perspective, doesn't it? Suddenly, all my fussing was no longer of any importance.

So, I say to myself...I am just two years younger than this guy was...what if I had only two years left? How would I spend it? as a dedicated slave to the corporate structure? Or living a life of passion and joy with the love of family and friends.

The answer is easy of course and I hardly think you would answer it any differently. So if 2 years is all that's left.....there is literally NO time...NOW is all there is. And even if we did have another 100 years...NOW is truly all there is.

So, look no further, think no more. TODAY is the day that you can take that first step towards fulfilling that dream. TODAY is the day that you can start to live the life you want. Take that leap, go ahead...jump. Your wings of Faith will spread out and bear you up, I promise. But don't wait another minute...there is no next minute...there is no tomorrow....today is the day, now is the time...NOW is all we have. Don't waste it!

Sending you Divine Love,

Susan

Martin Luther King Day

Hey everyone!
Do you remember this one???

This is the first time I saw Whitney Houston, and I was blown away by her beauty, her smile and her voice. I kept asking..."who IS that??" LOL What a story that turned out to be. God bless her.

But more importantly for right now, let's not forget what Martin Luther King Jr. stood for.
And let us each in our own way carry on his message....we still have a long way to go, but that dream that he had?...will come true!

Are you complaining? Or rejoicing?

“EVERYTHING is self-induced. EVERYTHING is created from the inside, out. EVERYTHING is vibrationally based. And you have control over all of that if you just get happy and stay there.“

Abraham Hicks, 7/8 2007

It's a hard pill to swallow, but the responsibility for your happiness is YOURS!